Something happened to me when I got pregnant. I literally lost my mind.
Not in that horrific, straight-jacket way. Lost my mind as in...where did the last 24 hours go? Where are the keys to the car? When is the doctor's appointment, again??? Oh, where is her sock at? I had a list...now where did I put it???
I have always been an ambitious woman. I do everything I come into with the utmost of energy and intent on a job well done. I make lists, I double-check, I put it in my Blackberry, I jot it on the calendar, I put up 12 Post-It notes in various locations...and then I triple check. I am a creature of habit, borderlining on OCD in my quest of perfection.
And then I had my daughter.
She is almost two years old now, incredibly bright, active, and joyous. My lists and Post-It notes are still here, but there's only so much a woman can accomplish in 24 hours! I have a billion tasks a day, between my baby, my husband, work, home, grocery-shopping, medical needs...and the list GROWS each day! I always prided myself on getting the perfect gifts for holidays, always remembering important dates, being presentable (and hopefully somewhat attractive), and always being prepared. And then mommy's little tornado came along!
Maddie is all about "helping" her mommy. Doing laundry? She's "fixin' clothes" (Maddie-speak) by taking what I've folded and putting it in a new location. Making dinner? She thoughtfully brings me toys and books so I won't be bored in the kitchen...and places them haphazardly so I'm almost always tripping over a Dora the Explorer book or a Barbie. Unloading the dishwasher? She's right there, playing in the water that hasn't evaporated yet, pulling out spoons and dropping them on the floor. Mommy's little helper, I do believe, is helping me right into a mental ward with all the extra work! :) However, it is touching that she doesn't want me to have to do these things alone. I don't ever discourage her, just try to show her how to REALLY help me by doing whatever I'm in the middle of properly!
Until our daughter came along, I was one hundred percent independent. I cleaned our home. I put the dishes away. I folded the clothes and hung them up according to season and type. I always figured, hey, I'm the one who's so particular, I can do it best by myself.
Then Madison was born, and suddenly, I was a hot mess of mommy who burst into tears if I couldn't get everything done on my day's to-do list. My husband, Tyler, thankfully, has stepped in on every single occasion of melt-down and color-coded bottles (I'm serious), or wiped down the counters just so, or taken over my obsessive organization of the kitchen cabinets. I married a man who has accepted every freaky flaw of mine (and our baby's!), and he's done it with a smile on his face.
At first, I had the worst time accepting the "help." He didn't wash the counters down with the lemon kitchen spray in circular motions at the end of the night; he would run the sponge over the counters. He would sometimes put caps on the bottles that weren't color-coded to the nipples. He would fold the clothes all "funny" (or like a normal person) and just put them wherever they would fit in our chest of drawers. And don't get me started on the organization of Maddie's diaper bag! Oh, how it drove me crazy. He would step in while I was in the middle of unloading the dishwasher, and it would infuriate me! I had already started the project; just let me alone to finish because he wouldn't know the difference between coffee spoons and regular ones!
Then I realized I had a great big dysfunctional problem. My husband was trying to help me!!!! I was strung out from trying to be too much at work, super-mom at home, and the most organized woman on the planet! He knew I was exhausted, and severely unhappy. And I was taking out my "quest for perfection", and all it's failures, on HIM. The one person who was trying so hard to be my TEAMMATE. And you know what got left out on my list of stuff to be amazing at? WIFE.
Sheesh! Not only did I feel stupid, but I also felt horrible for being a failure to my husband! And he didn't even point it out, or complain about it. Wow, I had really messed things up. And seeking perfection? Perfect employee, perfect mother, perfect friend, perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect aunt, perfect granddaughter, perfect WIFE....I was stinking up the place with my failure. I realized I was not doing a single soul any good by trying to over-achieve. I also had to start TAKING CARE OF MYSELF! I didn't sleep NEAR enough, I ate poorly, I never got away and just had "me time." I was a big, fat, horrendous zero!
So, I've spent the last year of my life trying not to overdo it. Trying to focus on one task/person at a time, and being what I can afford to be at that moment. I'm not a superhero; no one but ME expects me to be perfect. I have a toddler; no one expects me to get amazingly flawless expensive gifts. Nobody is asking me to have a completely clean and organized house. It's ME. I'm trying to make it up to my husband for letting myself get so far out of hand. I forgot all about myself trying to be everything to everybody. And my amazing husband (who has gone out of his way to change diapers just how I ask, and fold shirts this particular way, and set up my coffee in the mornings just how I like, and is still putting away the dishes exactly how I need them put up) is still here, still supporting me, even after I made such a big fat mistake. No matter what. Just like our baby girl.
New parents--TAKE IT EASY!!! You have a whole extra person to worry about! No one expects you to cook Thanksgiving dinner, or your car to be spotless, or your living room to be perfect! YOU make the rules, because it's YOU that has to live with them! You deserve to have an afternoon away from it all, and to remember that you're not just "mommy" or "wife" or "sister" or "employee." Remember, YOU are important, too! Part of the family depends on you, and you're best at mommy/wife when you're rested and happy. :) I didn't, and it's taken me almost a year to get my groove back!
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